Missing
by wildemoon
Summary: Logan returns to the school to find a very changed Rogue. HET - Logan/Rogue
1. Missing

Author: Elizabeth Wilde

Title: Missing

Distribution: Anyone who already has my fic, anyone who asks for it,

.net/wilde

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men or the song "Don't Give that Girl a Gun" by Indigo Girls, so please don't sue me!

'Ship: Logan/Rogue

Classification: angst

Summary: Logan returns to the school to find a very changed Rogue.

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: the movie

Feedback: to wilde at biteyourtongue dot net if you really love me

_She's got a case against me,_

_A jury of my peers_

_And the rage of the righteous_

_Screaming in her ears._

_I'm not dignified anymore_

_I can't say I didn't call_

_I say I love you_

_She don't hear me anymore._

I didn't exactly expect a warm, fuzzy reunion after so much time, but I expected more. Well, less anger and more happiness. A hug or something. I don't know. I didn't expect the painful minutes of stony silence with those dark eyes staring right through me.

"It's been four years, Logan."

I nodded. Not my most brilliant response to anything ever, but it was all I could think to do.

"Yeah. Four years."

Four long years. Four years of finding out the few things I thought I knew about myself were wrong, of discovering memories only to have them torn down and proved false. Four years of hell. Four years without Marie. Damned if I thought much about it when I walked out the door of the school, but she was the first one I'd let in for a damn long time, that scrawny, scared little kid.

Four long years and now she's a woman. A quiet, dark woman who is more beautiful than Jean ever was.

"Why did you come back?"

That one really caught me off guard. There were a million reasons, and almost all of them were about her. Of course, I came lookin' for the kid I left, the one I promised to look out for. I was prepared for that. I knew Marie. Rogue's a mystery. A mystery I'd love to spend the rest of my life solving. But that sure as hell wasn't the time to say so.

"I told you I'd come back. I promised."

She snorted and shook her head. "You promised." Offering me a sad, bitter smile, she walked away and I stood staring after her with my mouth hanging open and the scorn in her voice ringing in my ears.

_I made a bad connection_

_She says I went astray_

_I jumped ship abandoned my post._

_I didn't think I lost my way,_

_But oh how the mighty fall._

_I saw her crack a smile_

_I don't got a chance for redemption_

_She don't believe in the miracle mile._

I talked to Jean after that, tried to get some kind of insight into what might've happened to make my little Marie into Rogue, cold and untouchable.

"It's been four years, Logan," she replied, eyes sad and voice reproachful.

"Dammit, I know that!" I yelled, immediately sorry when she flinched and leaned back in her chair. "Damn, Jeannie, I'm sorry, but... but what happened to her?"

"Life, Logan. Four years of life as a mutant among mutants." Jean bit her lip, sighed, and then began relating to me how Rouge, under Mystique's influence-somethin' left over from her contact with Magneto-had stolen the powers of Miss Marvel. Rogue had super strength and she could fly. And she still couldn't touch anyone. And she'd missed me every day I was gone. "I know you care for Rogue, but for her it was far more than just-"

"It was for me too," I interrupted gruffly. "I didn't know it was, but the longer I was away... she's been one of the only things in my life that felt good and was real."

Jean nodded. "You're the only person who's touched her on purpose, unless you count Magneto. It's probably the most intimate thing she's ever experienced."

I nodded then, understanding but too ashamed of ever having left Marie to speak. You don't do that shit to the people you love. "Think she'll ever feel that again?"

"Love?" Jean asked, knowing from the way my eyes jerked suddenly up from the floor that she'd hit the nail on the head. "I hope so. But it won't be easy. You left and you stayed gone, and she didn't think you were coming back. She'd gotten... used to the idea of being alone."

"But she isn't al-"

"She is in her mind, and that's worse than physical loneliness ever could be."

"Dammit. I shouldn't've left 'er."

Jean's voice was gentler now, any resentment out of her system. "You might never have realized how much she means to you if you hadn't."

"Yeah, maybe not." I leveled my gaze on her. "Now all I've gotta do is convince her again."

_I said, "Hold me closer_

_'Cause something's happening._

_Why can't we come together?"_

_She said, "I doubt we ever will _

_Ever will again."_

When I knocked on Rogue's door, I wasn't sure I'd hit the wood hard enough for anyone inside to hear. My hand was almost shaking. Then the door swung open and one of Rogue's friends-Jubilee, I remembered-stood just inside. She glanced over her shoulder, then back at me. "Good luck," she said before quickly edging past me and walking out of the room.

I spotted Rogue sitting in front of the window, staring out. She didn't move as I approached. "Hey." Nothing. "Marie?"

"Rogue." She still stared out the window.

"Rogue," I started, then realized I still didn't have any idea what to say, "just hear me out, okay? I didn't-"

"Don't, Logan."

She still wouldn't turn around, and it was really getting to me. Kneeling in front of her, I grabbed the gloved hands in mine, praying that would be enough to at least make her look at me. "I never wanted to hurt you, Ma-Rogue."

"Stop it!" Her eyes were on me then, dark and angry. I wondered how much of that anger was mine, if anything of me was still with her. "You don't owe me anything. Ah may be a mutant, but Ah'm not a charity case."

"Rogue-"

"Just leave, Logan." She pulled her hands away and crossed her arms over her chest. "Go. Ah don't need you to protect me. Ah don't need you at all."

The words stung like a thousand needles being driven into my heart, and it was a moment before I could take another breath. I stood up and paused, stalling. I knew there had to be one right, perfect thing to tell her. I just didn't know what it was. "I love you."

"Ah don't care." She turned to the window and let her hands fall back into her lap. "Just go."

There was nothing more to do. I need her more than anything, love her more than I ever have anyone, and she wanted me to leave. So I left.

_The first shot baby it'll be real clean_

_I'm your girl strong and mean._

_Second shot baby it'll be real cool_

_I'm your fool._

Jubilee slipped into the room she shared with Rogue hesitantly. She didn't want to walk in on some passionate reunion. As the door creaked open, she saw Rogue. Alone. Crying. A surge of anger passed through her. "What the hell did he do to you?" She sat down on Rogue's bed and wrapped an arm around her friend's shoulders.

"Nothin'," Rogue sniffed, shaking her head. "It was me. Ah made him leave."

"Leave? After four years of crying yourself to sleep and whining to me about how you couldn't live without him, you made him LEAVE?" Jubilee pulled back to peer at Rogue. "Are you nuts? We've gotta go find him and-"

"He left the school. Ah know he did." Rogue lifted tearful eyes to regard Jubilee. "It's what Ah would've done."

"But that doesn't mean-"

"It does. Ah know him." The tears began again, but silently this time. "He's gone."

Jubilee heaved a sigh. "Why did you make him leave in the first place?"

Rogue bit her lip. "Ah don't know. Maybe... maybe Ah wanted to tell him to go away before he could leave again."

"I know this sounds harsh, but... that's stupid," Jubilee told her friend bluntly.

Rogue almost smiled. "Yeah, it is. It's probably the stupidest thing Ah ever did. Maybe even dumber'n the things Bobby does sometimes." The moment of light died away and she closed her eyes against the tears. "Damn, I miss him."

"Then find him, Rogue. Don't let him get away this time!"

"Ah think Ah already did, Jubes." Her gaze trailed back to the window. "Ah think Ah already did."


	2. Need

Author: Elizabeth Wilde

Title: Need

Series: none; sequel to "Missing"

Distribution: Anyone who has my fic, anyone who asks me for it, My site

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men or the song "One Reason" by Tracy Chapman. Don't sue!

'Ship: Logan/Rogue

Classification: romance

Summary: Logan looks for a reason to go back... and finds one.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: none

Feedback: Oooo! Please? Wilde at biteyourtongue dot net

_Give me one reason to stay here and I'll turn right back around_

_Give me one reason to stay here and I'll turn right back around_

_'Cause I don't want to leave you lonely_

_But you've got to make me change my mind._

Baby just give me one reason, give me just one reason why

Baby just give me one reason, give me just one reason why I should stay

Because I told you that I love you and there ain't no more to say.

/Logan!/

Jean's mental shout was enough to make Logan choke on his beer. The bartender gave him an odd look, but Logan composed himself quickly, growling, /What?/ back at her. He wasn't far from the school, hadn't been able to bring himself to run like he wanted to. Truth be told, he was tired of running.

/Sorry for interrupting./ Logan noted dourly that she didn't sound the least bit sorry. /You need to come back./

/I do, do I?/

/Yes./ There was a moment of indecisive silence. /Rogue needs you./

/Oh, yeah? Mar... Rogue told me to leave./

/I know. She was hurt, Logan./ He could feel an edge of desperation in Jean's mental voice. /Hurt and scared./ A teasing note came into her voice, /Remind you of anyone?/

/Cute, Jeannie./ "Whiskey, double," he ordered the bartender.

/She needs you. And you need her./

/How can ya be so sure she needs me?/

/She told me. And, no, not in as many words. She told me the way you did./

He half-smiled, remembering their conversation in the lab. Jean could pull things out of him that nobody else could. /Yeah, well, maybe ya read 'er wrong./ He downed the whiskey and motioned for another.

/I didn't./

Logan sighed and drank the second shot. /Maybe it's just better I don't come back./

/Maybe that would kill the both of you./ He remained silent and Jean continued, /I know what it would do to me if I had to be without Scott. If you really love her, it's the same way for you being without Marie./

Logan swallowed against tears and shook his head. /Marie's gone./

/No, she's not. She's hiding. She's scared. This is all new to her, Logan./

/Not exactly familiar territory for me either. She'd be better off with some nice kid 'er own age. Like that snowflake she's friends with,/ Logan protested. Already, however, he had paid his tab and was heading out the door.

Jean ignored his objections. /You coming?/

He climbed onto his bike. /Yeah, I'm coming./

Logan was rewarded with a warm mental "hug" from Jean. /I knew you would!/

Logan stood outside Rogue's room for what seemed like forever. He couldn't quite get the nerve up to knock. /Just another minute./ He hadn't seen anyone when he arrived, had avoided every possible encounter, his entire being focused on reaching Marie. So he stood outside her door, waiting for the right moment and enough courage.

Suddenly the door swung open and Marie moved to step into the hall, almost slamming into Logan. She gasped and stumbled backwards. "You're here!"

Her eyes were wide and suddenly she looked much more like the girl Logan knew. He almost sighed in relief. "Yeah, I'm here. You goin' somewhere?"

"Ah was just... Ah..." She blushed and stepped aside. "No. C'mon in."

Logan entered the room, wondering what he should say, if he should say anything.

"Logan?"

He whirled to face Rogue again. Rogue, who stood with her back against the now-closed door looking pale and nervous. "Yeah?"

"Ah... Ah just..." She swallowed and trained her dark eyes on him. "Ah love you too."

Logan was across the room in a heartbeat, Rogue pulled tight against his chest. Her arms were squeezed around his waist and his face was buried in her hair. "Never thought I'd hear ya say that, Rogue."

He could almost feel her smile against his chest as she replied, "Marie. Just Marie, alright?"

"Sounds good to me." He sighed and breathed in her scent. She didn't wear any perfume or body oils, and Logan couldn't remember coming across anything that smelled half as good. "So, Marie, you okay with me stickin' around this time?"

She held him just a little tighter. "You think Ah'm lettin' ya out o' this place, you've lost yer mind."

"I'm just glad my ribs are made of adamantium."

"Why's that?" Rogue asked without easing her grip.

"Because otherwise they'd all be crushed," he chuckled against her hair.

"Just a warnin' in case ya ever get any bright ideas about leavin'," she assured him, laughing as well. "Ah wouldn't want you goin' and doin' anything stupid."

"No worries there. I'm not going anyplace, darlin', not without you."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"Guess those chains Ah bought to tie ya up with won't be necessary, then?" she joked, finally pulling back enough to look into his eyes.

Logan smirked and tugged on a lock of her hair. "You hold onto 'em just in case."

"Aw, I got handcuffs for that," Rogue responded with a wink, disentangling herself from his arms and grinning at the way his jaw dropped. "Ya've been gone a long time, Logan. Lots of new things to get used to," she added with a quirk of her eyebrow.

"That so?" Logan folded his arms across his chest before taking the chair across from Marie by the window. "I can hardly wait to hear about it."


End file.
